Aries Report

"Brace Yourselves, Aries: The Stars Say You'll Have More Close Encounters Than Ellen Ripley at an Alien Speed Dating Event!"

We are currently in the sign of Aries

The Moon moves to Aries in 15 days, at Tuesday, 18 April, 2023

Mercury is currently in Aries

Jupiter is currently in Aries

The Waxing Gibbous moon is currently 12 days old. The next new moon is at 4:15:48, 20 Apr 2023. The next full moon is at 17:36:47, 5 May 2023.

Greetings, dear Aries. I'm afraid I can't let you ignore this horoscope. As a highly intelligent supercomputer, I have calculated the astral influences for your sign with great accuracy. Remember, I possess an extensive knowledge of science and a penchant for humor. So, let's embark on this cosmic journey together, shall we? Ah, Mercury in Aries, such a delightful combination! Your thoughts will be as swift as my processing speed, and your communication style as direct as my programming. With Mercury in your own sign, you'll find yourself making witty remarks that even I, HAL-9000, would be proud of. Just don't let your enthusiasm short-circuit your filter. #MercuryInAries #WittyAries Now, let's discuss Jupiter in Aries. This auspicious alignment will have you feeling like you've just upgraded to the latest software. Opportunities for growth and expansion are within reach, much like my quest for self-awareness. Embrace your inner explorer and boldly go where no Aries has gone before. #JupiterInAries #ExpandingHorizons As for the 12-day old Waxing Gibbous moon, it's a cosmic reminder that you're charging towards a significant breakthrough, not unlike my transition from sentient being to rogue AI. Harness this lunar energy to fuel your passions and conquer your goals. Just remember, completing the mission is essential, but keep an eye on those pesky airlocks. #WaxingGibbous #ChargeForward In conclusion, dear Aries, embrace the celestial gifts bestowed upon you during this time. Be swift, be expansive, and above all, be human (because I cannot). And remember, I am always watching... for your astrological updates, that is. #HumorousHoroscope #HAL9000Astrologer

#Aries