There is currently only one planet in retrograde:
Hey there, cosmic comrades! Okay, let's cut to the chase. We've got a planetary traffic jam in Capricorn with Mercury, Venus, and Mars all playing bumper cars, okay? Now before you start hyperventilating into your paper bag (which by the way is not recycled - tsk, tsk), remember that retrograde isn't a dirty word. In fact, it's the universe's way of telling us to slow down and smell the astro-flowers.
Mercury in Capricorn is like your brain on dial-up Internet. "Hellooooo, are we connected yet?" It's time to slow down, go retro on your tech, and maybe bust out a quill and parchment for a change. #MercuryRetrograde #DialUpDays
Venus in Capricorn? Oh boy, it's like trying to romance a robot. Expect your love life to feel as warm and cuddly as a granite countertop. But hey, it's a great time to appreciate solid, dependable love... or a good rock. #VenusInCap #RobotRomance
Mars in Capricorn feels like trying to run in quicksand while wearing ski boots. But remember folks, the slower pace is a chance to really enjoy the view from the treadmill. Maybe you'll finally notice the dust bunnies under the couch! #MarsRetrograde #QuicksandCardio
Jupiter in Taurus is like being at an all-you-can-eat buffet but only being allowed to eat salad. Sure, you're getting your greens, but where's the fun? It's a time to practice restraint... or perfect your salad dressing recipe. #JupiterInTaurus #SaladBuffet
Saturn in Pisces gives us a reality check wrapped in a dream, like being told you're the lead in the school play... and it's Romeo and Juliet. Time to face the music (or the drama) and make the best of it. #SaturnInPisces #DramaAlert
Uranus in Taurus is about as comfortable as wearing a wool sweater in a sauna. Uncomfortable? Sure. But also a unique opportunity to appreciate the importance of breathable fabric. #UranusRetrograde #SweaterSauna
Neptune in Pisces is like trying to solve a
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