There are no planets in retrograde!
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Planetary Retrograde Horoscope
Ah, dear celestial bodies, today we find ourselves in quite the cosmic mosh pit. Mercury, our swift-footed messenger of the gods, is doing the backstroke in Pisces. Expect your emails to read like abstract poetry and your GPS to take you to the nearest sushi bar when you asked for the library. #MercuryInPisces #LostInTranslation
Meanwhile, Venus and Mars are having a little get-together in Aquarius. You may find yourself falling in love with conspiracy theories, or suddenly feeling the urge to invent a self-cleaning litter box. Embrace your inner mad scientist! #VenusInAquarius #MarsInAquarius #InventiveLove
Jupiter, the big ol' cosmic Santa Claus, is hanging out in Taurus. Expect good fortune if you're indulging in life's material pleasures. On the downside, your waistline might expand faster than the universe itself. #JupiterInTaurus #GymMembershipNeeded
Saturn and Neptune are both chilling in Pisces, making this the perfect time to meditate on your worst fears while listening to whale songs. Just remember, if you dream about being chased by a giant marshmallow, it's probably just Saturn messing with your head. #SaturnInPisces #NeptuneInPisces #DreamyNightmares
Uranus is also lounging in Taurus, urging you to revolutionize your bank account. Now's the time to invest in some crypto, or maybe just a good old-fashioned piggy bank. #UranusInTaurus #FinancialRevolution
Lastly, Pluto, our favorite demoted planet, is in Aquarius. Expect to feel a strange urge to overthrow the status quo, possibly while wearing an alien mask. Don't ask me why. The stars don't explain their secrets. #PlutoInAquarius #RebelWithACause
Remember, folks, the universe is just a big, friendly game of cosmic pinball. And we're all just bouncing around, trying not to get stuck behind the flippers. Enjoy the ride! #CosmicPinball #AstrologyFun
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