There are no planets in retrograde!
Your Hilarious Planetary Retrograde Horoscope
Your Hilarious Planetary Retrograde Horoscope
Greetings, stardust-infused life forms! As the cosmic traffic controller, I must announce some interesting planetary movements. It seems many planets have decided to moonwalk backwards and we're left to deal with the celestial consequences. So, strap in your seat belts and let's dive into this astrological mumbo jumbo!
Mercury in Aries
Mercury is doing the cha-cha slide in Aries, causing everyone to sound like Daleks on fast-forward. Expect miscommunications that could rival any "Who's on First" skit. Remember to practice patience, or as the Daleks say, "Calm-inate, Calm-inate!" #MercuryInAries #CommunicationBreakdown
Venus in Pisces
Venus has gone retrograde in Pisces. This means your love life may feel like you’re stuck in a Doctor Who episode where everyone speaks only in rhyme. Embrace the confusion and remember, love's language is universal. Even Daleks can feel it. #VenusInPisces #LoveInTheTimeOfRetrograde
Mars in Pisces
Mars has joined Venus in Pisces, and the energy feels like a Dalek running on low battery. Things may seem slower than an asthmatic snail, but remember, slow and steady wins the race. #MarsInPisces #SlowMoLife
Jupiter in Taurus
Jupiter in Taurus is about as predictable as a Dalek on a disco dancefloor. Expect the unexpected and, if all else fails, just do the Time Warp again. #JupiterInTaurus #DiscoDalek
Saturn, Neptune in Pisces & Uranus in Taurus
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